Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Dead Mom Week

How could you not be happy to have had this, for even a short time?

Let's not beat around the bush.  It's not my style.  I've been getting crankier and crankier over the past several weeks and it's not hard to figure out why.  If I was too dense to figure it out, then mom is invading my dreams almost nightly just to make sure I get it. 

I get it.  For those you just joining us--Thursday is the day she stopped breathing (and could've gone peacefully in her sleep, but that's another rant).  Friday is the day we unplugged her and the doctor said, "It'll probably only be an hour or two once we turn off the fluids (that were keeping her blood pressure up)."  She didn't know my mom so she can't be blamed for giving us false information.  And today--well, that's when nature won out over sheer stubbornness and she slipped out on us.  But oh boy, not without a fight.

The check in calls and emails are starting to trickle in. Only one was direct.  Most are shy, unobtrusive, hesitant. Should I say something? Should I not say something?  That's up to you. I can tell you that the pain will be there either way and I'm a pretty direct girl.  Can't hurt, might help.  I probably won't answer the phone anyway. I'm just glad I didn't break down in writing class this week, that would be awkward.  It's not like someone wrote a story about their mom either.  It's just dead mom week.  It's supposed to suck.

On the good news front, her house (I continue to think of, and refer to it as 'mom's house' is FINALLY clean.  I got the dressersthatwouldn'tdie(TM) out of there last weekend and the cleaners came on Tuesday.  They were supposed to come last Tuesday but A) they were 40 minutes late and B) there was no hot water because I forgot we had turned off the tank and in fact, the pilot light had gone out.  So they rescheduled me without a penalty charge (I would've had thrown a fit--how 'bout I charge them $35 for making me late to class?).  And we tried again this week.  This time they showed up at my house as I was leaving to meet them. Luckily they were running a little early this time and I was running a little late.  I had them follow me over and left them to it.  It took six hours, instead of the four they told me and I had to leave drawing class to go pay them, but it was done.  Clean. Smelled like a house someone might want to live in, instead of a sad museum.

I've been feeling better the last couple of days, oddly.  Could be the biking (and getting used to biking again, cause I've been exhausted for the past two weeks).  Could be the yoga, or the sun.  At any rate, there's plenty to keep me busy and I've decided I'm not just going to sit around all weekend thinkingaboutwhatIwasdoingthistimelastyear.  I got a call from an aunt who said she's spending the day celebrating--reading, reading to kids, dancing.  Sounds like the way to go.

If you call today, don't be surprised if I don't answer.  I'll be on my bike.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Happy Birthday Mom


Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

Happy Birthday Mom. A year ago we had dinner at the Equinox (free, 'cause they never let you pay for anything after you got sick). You had the shrimp appetizer named after Desmond's daughter (that you couldn't eat) and he made you a specially created sugar free dessert that was the envy of all the tables around us.

And a few days later we had a huge birthday party at SEI with decorations and a DJ and about a hundred of your closest friends and family. I don't know what pain you bulled your way through to even get there, considering you spent all your energy out shopping with your sisters earlier in the day, but you did get there (late of course!) and you even danced, and I knew it would be your last time.

Hard to believe that was only a year ago. Hard to believe that was a whole year ago. Hard to believe your ashes are sitting in a pretty urn on my bookshelf and I'm never going to hear your laugh or get to say the same thing at the same time or finish your sentences, or get you that granny bike that I promised you.

Hard to believe that from now on, on this day, I'll think to myself, today she would have been __ (56).

I sure do miss you. Hope you and uncle Jonathan are having a party, wherever you are.

Love,
K

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Dedication

My mom created and ran the library at Self Enhancement Inc for nine years, and passed her love of reading on to countless kids in the process.

This coming Monday, December 17th, The SEI library will be formally dedicated, the Genia Adair Memorial Library. It just seems right that someone who loved reading so much, and shared that with so many others should have a great tribute like this.

The ceremony is open to the community and will be held in the gymnasium of the SEI building and will include remarks from CEO Tony Hopson, SEI students and others.

Monday Dec 17th
5:00--5:30pm
3920 North Kerby Ave



It's a bit fuzzy due to having to convert the format, but she's reading The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman. While hiking. Cuz that's just how she rolled.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Barlow Trail Century



Some people deal with their emotional pain by cutting themselves, in the hope that a physical manifestation of their pain will make them feel better.

To those people I say, put away your razor blade, hop on your bike and follow me.

Today I volunteered as a chaperon for the Barlow Trail Century, called the "best one-day ride in Oregon" by...well, the people who put on the ride probably. It's a brutal ride that includes MUCH more climbing than the Boring Ride. If it's pain you're looking for, this is a good a way to find it as any, and better than most.

Three years ago this month, mom and I did the 40 mile option of the ride together, with her on my mountain bike. We completed the ride in four hours, which was pretty impressive considering the amount of climbing even in the shorter route. She was a real trouper. I thought it would be nice to ride it again and do the full century.

My team is sponsored by River City Bicycles who put on this event so we're expected to volunteer in some capacity anyway. Chaperoning just involves riding the course (you don't have to do the whole thing, but I wanted to) and being willing to stop and help anyone in need with repairs, directions, encouragement, rations etc.

I stopped at Finkos and printed out a picture of me and mom to tape to my seat bag. It just seemed appropriate.

I got started at 8:00am. The forecast called for rain and there was a light mist when I set out. Throughout the day the weather got more and more miserable and I wore every stitch of bike clothing I had brought and made a fine testing of my new Showers Pass rain jacket (it passed with flying colors).

I started later than most people so I was alone on the road for a long time and what people I did see were generally passing me in a double pace line. I did help one woman who had dropped her chain (she didn't really need the help, but it made me feel useful). The reality is, anyone who signs up for a hundred mile ride with 3500 ft elevation gain, is going to be a fairly experienced and self sufficient bunch.

Even the few injured people I encountered were already surrounded by scores of helpful, knowledgeable people who were taking care of everything. So that just left me to ride and think about being wet and cold and why was I out there and did I *really* want to ride the full 100 miles? I was starting to have doubts.

The website for the ride explained it this way:

Test your resolve like the pioneers before you, laboring up the flanks of the great mountain on this old historic Oregon Trail route. Be sure to look for the stunning views of Mt. Hood along the hearty 8.5-mile climb (average grade 8-10%). Crest the saddle at 3,500 feet and you'll find a stash of provisions nestled in the woods to fuel your ride home.

I was all for testing my resolve, but it looked like my grade was leaning somewhere in the direction of a B-/C+.

As soon as I left the first rest stop at 20 miles, the real climbing started. From then on I just settled into the new reality that my legs were going to hurt. They were soon followed by my knees. "Spinning" wasn't really an option when the grade tilted upwards so steeply it was all I could do to keep up enough momentum to stay upright.

Relief came in the form of a steep windy descent into the valley described as "Little Switzerland" (see above). When the road turned up again, it wasn't quite as steep so I was still able to make good time. Which was a good thing because me and my bladder were counting down the miles to the next rest stop at mile 41. Around mile 38.5, I gave up and went behind the nearest tree. Feeling much better, I rolled into rest stop two and was greeted by a lovely bonfire surrounded by chilled cyclists.

Up until that point, I had still been toying with the idea of heading all the way up to the top of Lolo Pass. But when one rider at the fireside who had just come down said, "I think it's hailing up there," any thoughts of adding insult to insanity faded into the mist. The thick blanket of clouds had wiped out any chance of the fabled amazing views. Without that carrot, I was having a hard time figuring out why I should spend another two hours, slogging up an 8-10% grade to a rest stop where the temperature was 10-15 degrees colder and there was no fire, followed by a chilly descent.

I think not.

I warmed myself up, traded knee warmers for full tights and set off back the way I had come, secure in the knowledge that I could drive back up the pass on a sunny day and enjoy the view.

The ride back included more company as I got passed by yet more burley racer guys and shared the road and some conversation with the occasional woman. Bree was asking about my new aero bars so I gave her a demo by leaving her in the dust on the next descent. I think she was impressed enough that she may be getting her own.

I felt better on the climbs coming out of the valley and Dodge park, even though my knees were protesting heavily by then. Near the end of the ride, I got to help one pour soul I found walking up the last major climb of the ride.

"Think about the burritos!" I yelled as I came even with him.

"There's burritos?"

"Yes, and they're from Laughing Planet and they're excellent."

That was enough to motivate him back onto the bike. He left me to catch his group but I saw him again a few mile later, coming the wrong way down the street after missing a turn. So I guided him in the right direction and then we stayed together through the last few turns back onto the Springwater Trail. The trail is nice and smooth in Gresham and the grade is tipped just downward enough for me to zip along comfortably at 18 mph. After a few minutes, my companion called up, "Hey, do you have a rope?"

I laughed. "Why, so I can pull you the rest of the way?"

"Yeah." I could tell from his voice that he was only half kidding. I knew the feeling. I'd wished for the same thing many times earlier in the day, watching guys with calves the size of my thighs whistling as they passed me.

I slowed down and then I asked if he'd run out of water.

"Yeah."

Well no wonder he couldn't keep up with me, even on a $12,000 demo bike that probably weighed as much as one of my pedals. I quickly gave him the rest of my water bottle which also had liquid nutrition added.

He cheered up after that. Then a few minutes later:

"Are we there yet?"

I looked up and thought I saw the sign for Cedarville park where the finish line was. "Yeah, I think we are actually." Together we blazed the last few meters to the finish line.

He headed off to turn in his bike and I took my bike to the car, changed as fast as I could and went to claim my well earned burrito, which was everything I had hoped and dreamed it would be for the last 40 miles. And the banana strawberry smoothie went down pretty tastily as well. I had to hand it to Rivercity for knowing the right way to feed depleted cyclists.

Final mileage was 82, which I completed in just over 8 hours and I'm feeling pretty darn happy with that.