The unbearable cuteness of being

Today consisted mostly of errands, homework and visitors, with only minor irrational anger and impatience at random moments.

Once I got home, my friend J brought her 9 week old kitten Simon over to visit.

It's pretty much impossible to be sad with that much cuteness displaying itself in front of you. In fact, it's a good thing that we had to give Simon back or he would probably significantly hold up my grief process. He's *that* cute. Several times when he was laying in my lap and tilted his little head back to look at me, I thought I just might die of the cuteness. Seriously.

J left him with us while she went out for dinner so he was here for six hours. In addition to cheering me up, we also wanted to see how Willow would react to a kitten who presumably would be willing to play with her. Things went well for about 47 seconds and then it was all hissing and crying from there. Simon was completely unfazed by these antics but I was devastated--my kitty is a totally hypocrite! She's been chasing 14 year old Idge around all this time like if ONLY Idge would play with her, her life would be complete. And then she turns around and disses Simon, who's only crime is being adorable.

Ah well. Guess we probably won't be getting a kitten of our own any time soon.

It's always darkest before the dawn...

The house is a wreck, but there's some progress. Tina has been coming over to help and today she brought along some cheap labor (her kids) too. They finished the upstairs and have made several trips to Goodwill.

Traci nearly has all her things she wants to keep and soon we can take it all to storage. And we got the pantry cleared out, which prompted us to wonder, how many croutons does one person need?

I don't think I need to mention what a poor substitute free popcorn and maple syrup are for, you know, a mom who's alive.

Whiplash

Even though I know better, I find myself feeling as if whatever I'm feeling at this moment, is how I'm going to feel for, well, if not forever, at least the foreseeable future.

That means, if I'm having a good day, I think, 'cool, this grief thing isn't so bad.' And if I'm having a bad day I think, 'OMG, I can't believe how much this sucks, I'm never going to survive it.' OK, maybe slightly less dramatic than that, but you get the general idea.

So it's not surprising really, that the speed with which I can go from 'having a good day' to 'uncontrollable crying' leaves me stunned every time.

Today I went to a conference on women's health put on by OHSU. A fellow Jefferson HS grad who spoke at mom's funeral offered me free tickets so I called up Danette and Maureen and off we went.

I'm not sure how much we learned, but we certainly had a good time and enjoyed most of the speakers. For me it was more validation than anything. It's not like D, M & I really need to be told about the power & health benefits of women's friendships (our first workshop session), cause we definitely already know. But the speaker was entertaining and fun.

Likewise, I know how to use laughter in times of stress. While mom was in the ER, confused and replying "Uh huh! OK!" to everything anyone said to her, I thought it might be a good time to ask for a pony. If I can make jokes in the ER as my mom's life is beginning to end, I think I can pretty much handle anything.

Three people during the day came up to offer condolences. This is a new wrinkle, I hadn't considered, but I'm sure will be happening for a while now. Four people if you count the woman who was unlocking her bike at the same time as us and asked about my "I Hate Tumors" T-shirt. She asked how long ago mom died and when I said, "two weeks," she got 'the look' and came over to hug me. She lost her mom to lung cancer many years ago. It was such a Portland moment.

I had to call two people this week and tell them that mom died. One was her old boyfriend, a musician from the band Confunktion that she talked about several times over the years. I found his business card while going through her stuff and the number was still good. He had no idea of course and it was really a bummer to have to make the call. At first I thought he didn't remember her and then I remembered to say her maiden name, at which point he lit up (which only made the end message harder to say).

And today I called someone who knew mom from bringing her books at SEI. She'd left a recent message on the home phone, saying she was just checking in.

I hate making those calls.

Another weird thing when I'm having a pretty good day and I run into people who already know, but that I haven't seen since. They get that universal, 'yourmomdiedthatssoawful!' look and want to hug me. And sometimes I want to say, "Thanks but I'm having a pretty good day today, so let's not go there OK?" Of course I don't. And besides, good days can go so very bad, so very quickly.

Just more fun on this wacky grief trip I'm on.

Tonight I was feeling pretty good and offered to make Jess dinner since she worked a 12 hours shift and is always tired when she gets home. Nothing epic, just putting in the frozen pizza and sauteing a little spinach. Easy right?

Well, she came downstairs and found out the pizza was on a cookie sheet and wanted to take it off so the crust would get crispy. So we did that and she set the cookie sheet on the counter, then said, "Honey, don't touch that, it's hot." In normal times, I may have felt the comment to be a little condescending, but now, it's pretty much a good precautionary measure.

And it didn't even work. Not 2 minutes later, I put my hand right on the cookie sheet. I jerked it back immediately, even before the heat could register on my hand. Jess, concerned (and probably apalled) asked if I was OK.

"Yes, I'm not burned, I'm just stupid."

At that point, she kicked me out of the kitchen and said she'd finish cooking.

It was of course, the right call, but I immediately felt angry, upset, sad pathetic. I thought I was having a good day. I thought I could finally do one small thing to take care of my girlfriend, who has been supporting me unwaveringly for months now. But no, I'm just a danger to myself and others (and pizza).

Hello tears, where have been all this week?

And then I felt bad that her pizza was getting cold while she was busy comforting me. It's astonishing how much bad feeling there is to be found at every turn!

I also take the time to note how much work it is not to apologize all the time. It's one of my pet peeves, people who apologize when it's not warranted. And crying over your dead mother definitely falls into the category of things that don't require an apology. And yet I'm just so ingrained and trained that I have to actively stop myself from saying things like, "Sorry I'm such a basket case." DUH! Of course I'm a basket case.

It cracks me up that my brain finds the time to note these kinds of details in the middle of total trauma, but once a multitasker, always a multitasker I guess.

Tomorrow, I spend my first full day going through the house. No telling what shape I'll be in by the end of it...and it's only the beginning. If you have kids, do them a favor and don't be a pack rat.

Welcome home

Yesterday we went over to the funeral home to pick up mom's ashes. Yeah, the urn at the memorial service was empty, but that was our little secret.

She was a lot heavier than I expected. The urn is mostly white with some really pretty purple flowers on it. I'm not sure how accurate it is, but mom's tendency to wear pink in the last few months of her life really made an impression on lots of people. Therefore pinks and purples tended to get high priority when making decisions for the services.

Traci and I also got little keepsake mini-urns in the shape of hearts. They're just the right size to fit in the palm of my hand and have a comforting weight to them. Traci got pink and she was wearing her pink sweatshirt when we picked them up. I got blue with birds on it (representing those 'wings' she tried to give us) and I was wearing my customary 3-4 shades of blue that day, so I guess we picked the right things.

Our mantle at home is already kind of full and I really wasn't sure I wanted to look at the urn all the time so instead I put it on the bookshelf in my office, which seems pretty fitting. I'm really glad she didn't opt to get stuck in a box in the ground. I like having her around a lot better.

Traci got started on the house this week. We're not exactly sure what's going to happen with it, but either way, all the stuff has to be gone through and moved. Traci is taking most of the furniture with her to D.C. to furnish her new apartment.

After two days, we're not even through going through the clothes. I get tired just walking through the front door, thinking of all the stuff that has to be done. And of course, I can't help thinking that I'd much rather still have a mom, than all this stuff.

Wisdom from an unexpected source

"It's too high to get over
it's too low to get under
you're stuck in the middle
and the pain is thunder"

~Michael Jackson

Barely functional

Things I managed to do today:

1. Go to math
2. eat breakfast at 1pm
3. clean cat litter
4. take out garbage

Other than that it's pretty much been crying and legos.

I tried to watch my Battlestar Galactica DVD but it broke in half when I put it in the dvd player.

Jess went back to work today, but she came home and made dinner and emergency brownies, of which I only ate some of the batter.

And then we watched another episode of Oz on DVD and one of the character's mom died--proving once and for all that there's no escape in fiction. You'd think I would just give up watching Grey's Anatomy...

I'm continually amazed at how much this sucks.

We're back...

...from the beach. Had a lovely time. More later.

Back to life

I got to help make breakfast today. Hashbrowns and scrambled eggs with veggies. Got frustrated with all the interruptions while trying to finish my last announcement email. Took Traci to the airport. Went to Extracto Coffee where I finally finished the email and put up some pictures from the memorial reception.

Aquaintances are a real problem in situations like these. I'm grateful that I'm able to function in public and don't feel the need to unburden onto everyone with a familiar face (or grocery clerks who ask "How's life treating you?" But it's still hard. I ran into someone I've known since my Eugene days at New Seasons last night and at the coffee shop today. I envision them slowly walking towards a trap door over a deep hole as they wave and then get close enough for conversation:

"Hey, how's it going?"
"Crappy, my mom died last week, how are you?"

Yeah, see how that doesn't really go over? I have enough outlets for processing, I've decided to just refrain unless things are actually steered in that direction. Seems better for everyone that way.

It's probably worse for the people who already know, but I haven't seen them since. They feel awkward, want to say something but don't know what...worse for them than for me really.

I went to Moms' (that's my grandmother on my dad's side, not to be confused with mom, the departed) house for a little ice cream n cake celebration of her birthday today. Ironically, this will be the first year I've actually remembered her birthday and gotten a card on time. I heard some great stories while I was there including one about me and my great grandmother that I can neither confirm nor deny.

Apparently when I was little, I went to stay with Granana and in an impatient moment had the great folly to choose to hit her. Naturally she tanned my hide to within and inch of my life. The next day when I arrived, I said, "Hi Granana." She said, "Hi K." And then I said, "Now, we're not going to hit each other today, are we?" She had to go in the other room and laugh. But like I said, I don't remember this, so we just have my grandmother's word on it. :)

Tonight I went to my first fun outing in the new world, a Dirty Martini show at the Doug Fir. I couldn't think of a nicer way to reenter the 'real world.' A nice group of friends showed up, and we had a great time. McKinley dedicated a song for me, which was totally sweet. A little rockin' out and head banging is good for the soul.

Tomorrow, we're off to the beach.

Hidden disability

I've decided that grieving is like having a hidden disability. Except it's not just hidden from the public, it's hidden from the person grieving too. I can go hours (not yet days, not even close) without any 'symptoms' and then without warning it'll just strike.

Today was a really good day. We got up early because Roxanne came over at 8am with baked treats. Jess made coffee and we dished about real estate clients and stuff.

After she left, we eventually got ourselves together and headed out on our bikes for a bunch of errands. It was a gorgeous sunny day, a little chilly but we had a great time biking about 20 miles around town for errands. Since I got my financial aid money today, I indulged in a rare bit of retail therapy at REI. Got a new helmet (long overdue), some socks, and a couple of bras, also long overdue.

Then over to see Traci and visit with my cousin and lastly to the grocery store and home with our loaded bags.

After all the driving I've been doing the last several months, it was great to work my muscles again. And work, they did. Although I'm usually the stronger biker, Jess was feeling good and she made me work. When she knew she had me on the ropes, we turned the corner from Skidmore to Grand and she cut to the inside and powered up the hill. I had to put my foot down on that though--I do have a reputation to maintain. :)

When we got home, I took my new helmet to the table to make some final adjustments and put the new light I bought on the back of it. (And yes, it's the same helmet that Jess has and the same light and we already have the same bikes, making us officially the biggest dorks of all time).

The last thing I did was fill out the sticker that goes inside the helmet with my personal information, blood type and emergency contact.

I paused. Mom was always my emergency contact. Now I've got an emergency all right--my mom is dead and I can't call her to tell her about it. "Honey, you're my new emergency contact." I said, right before I totally lost it. Probably jinxed myself putting the box of tissues back in the bathroom.

When the wave comes, there's nothing to do but ride it out. After a while Jess distracted me with embarrassing pictures from her childhood and the wave passed. Till the next one.

Grief sucks.

Communified Ride (A Pedalpalooza Event)

I was running late getting out of work so I really had to huff it over the Hawthorne bridge to make it to Jonathan's communified ride that started at the Salmon street fountain. 

I made it just in time.  The ride rolled out shortly after I got there.  We mosied down the waterfront at a social speed and I chatted with Evan Manvel of BTA fame.  I was surprised to find out that he only has one bike! But I guess that's all you need. (My fantasy bike stable has about seven bikes...commuter, road, MTB, bent, tandem, folding...you get the picture :)

When we reached the steele bridge, we had to wait for a train to go by so I took the opportunity to eat some of my dinner, chat with the other riders around me and snap a few more pictures.

After the train passed, we continued on and, to my surprise and delight, turned right after the train tracks and onto the walkway along the river underneath the river front apartments.  One thing I love about PP is how it's gotten me into new places, even in the neighborhoods I ride every day.  The new perspective is so refreshing!

At the end of the walkway, we stopped in a parking lot for more chatting.  I got to talking with Donna about her fine looking red Breezer. Little did I know I was letting a tiger out of it's cage.  5 minutes of talking to Donna about the joys of internal hub gears, step through frames and getting respect from drivers while riding in a dress will have you ready to trade in your steed if you're not careful!  Our conversation was very enlightening since I'm still on the search of a bike for my mom.

When we got going again, we went back along the waterfront, across the steel bridge and down the Esplanade to the Hawthorne bridge.  Our journey ended, but Jonathan snapped portraits of folks with their bikes and there were even props if you wanted them.  There was general milling around and good bikey feelings and Aaron helped a couple of guys brainstorm about how to carry their rafts on their bike for a long trip they are planning.  The trick is how to carry the boat and also how to carry the bike the boat so you have it for your next destination.  I think they made some progress.

It was a lovely way to begin the evening and I left feeling good and rode home at a nice mellow pace.

Welcome Joe!

Joe!

Welcome to the Portland cycling family. So sorry for your loss...of popularity that is. Because in a town where we just held the first ever Bike Summit to look forward at the future of biking in Portland, you'll have to do more than just ride your bike to get attention. Perhaps you could try riding a really little bike or a big tall one. Just don't try to stand out by being the only Black person at every event, cause I've already got that covered. :) Hell, even Bunnies on Bikes get respect around here!

Looking forward to seeing you around town. And hey, when you get here, if you need help moving your stuff, be sure to check out the Shift website. A few emails to the right people and you too, can experience the phenomenon known as Move By Bike (or help out with one...I hear you know a thing or two about hauling stuff!).

And when you need to get your bikey bearings, Jonathan is sure to have a report on everything bike-related at his site, Bikeportland.org

Just think you can have your flats within walking distance of the nearest *bike shop* instead of a Wal-Mart! Get ready for cycling nirvana. :)

Friday January 20th: Date #2

Friday I stayed home since the bosses were both in Seattle and I worked an insane amount of hours on Thursday. My plan was to sleep in, do a little bit of work from home, chill out, write maybe a few chores and then go to my massage at 4:00. I made an appointment with Davina, who is someone I went to college with and is now dating my roommate. I hadn't gone before because I love Jessica S. and I'd have her babies and plus she comes to my house with her table which has a heating pad. But it's more expensive and I was feeling spur of the moment.

Of course things didn't work out quite as planned. ::sigh::

First, around mid-morning, I felt a tell-tale tickle in my throat that made me want to swear like a sailor and brake a lot of dishes. Could there be a worse time to get sick? I don't think so. And if my symptoms were still light enough that I could've stayed in denial, that meant I was probably contagious and couldn't really afford the luxury of denial.

Carrie was home and we spent some time hanging out and she was cracking me up with her reactions to stories from work. Finally I had her feel my glands to see if they felt swollen. She took one quick feel and ran straight upstairs. She came down with a box of Chinese herbs and said to take five or six every couple of hours. She also said I should, "drink some of this Chinese tea..." as she hid a box of Theraflu behind her back.

I was willing to try anything at that point. I drank 'tea' and popped pills and took some Echinacea and vitamin C for good measure. I decided I would wait till the afternoon and if I still felt like a germ, I'd call Jess and give her the chance to back out of our date. I figured she deals with enough germs at work and I really didn't want her getting sick and possibly missing work, because of me. But I was pissed.

Other shit hit the fan as work crisis' developed and designers and programmers went AWOL. I finally got things settled down just barely in time to take a shower and get to my massage. Fortunately Kara was on her way back from Seattle and I made sure she knew that I was unavailable after 3:30.

Once I left the house, things improved. On the way to Davina's I called Jessica.

"I have a confession to make," I said.

"Uh oh."

"It's nothing terrible but I'm not completely well. I feel a cold coming on and I'm probably contagious. I just wanted to let you know in case you want to back out." And I hope you're disappointed, not relieved...

"Oh. Well that's OK. I mean, I probably won't get very close to you--but are you sure you still want to go?"

"Oh yeah, definitely. I'd just feel bad if I got you sick."

"You're cute."

"OK, see you at 6:00."

My massage was so, so, very good. Just exactly what I needed. It took a while to settle down and stop thinking about work and dates and how Davina's methods differed from Jessica's but eventually I hit the zone. I hit it so hard in fact, that I was nanoseconds from falling totally asleep before I snapped out of it and got up at the end. Out in the lobby there was a cup of water sitting on the counter for me. I set my oil, which I'd brought with me, down next to it while I chatted with Davina and Carrie. I picked up the oil.

"Are you about to drink your massage oil?" Davina asked.

I looked down. "Oh. Yeah. Thanks for catching that." I picked up the water instead and drank it. Yeah, I was relaxed alright.

When I left unfortunately I couldn't go straight home and enjoy the after effects because I had to run to the store to get some more firewood and then over to the most crowded gas station (but also the cheapest) to fill up.

I got home about 10 till 6:00, just in time. Luckily Jess was running late so I had time for a fashion crisis. Brown cords, stretchy long-sleeved orange scoop neck shirt from Title IV.

When she arrived there were hugs hello and I gave her the tour and she met Willow. She has a cat of her own, so she was totally enchanted by my little princess.

I altered our plans a little and suggested we go to Zaytoon's on Alberta, so as to stay in the neighborhood. It was happy hour and not crowded at all. Neither of us were super hungry so we split an appetizer platter with hummus, babaganoush and some herb dip that I can't remember the name of, but was really good.

When we got to the pub, it was packed of course, but we squeezed up into my spot from the week before, just behind the merchandise table. We had a good view and the band was having a good night. We were able to talk a little despite the loud music. I filled her in on who was who and told her a little my history with Lara. Anyone I'm going to date has to be OK with my back up girlfriend. :)

I felt like a big walking germ so I was working really hard not to touch Jess but she solved my problem by moving right next to me and putting her arm around me.

During the announcements portion of the show, they revealed the winners of the raffle to be on the first Stolen Sweets CD. They need people to come in and say things like "Yeah man," and "Yowza!" I bought five tickets in December for a dollar each, figuring that even if I didn't win, perhaps Lara would rig it for me. Mine was the last name to be announced. I resisted the urge to whoop and holler, since no one else had.

When the show was over, I took Jess over and introduced her to Lara briefly. "Did you hear your name called?" she asked me.

"Yup. But I was trying to be cool."

"And you are."

"Mmmmm...yeah..thanks for lying." I said. I gave her a hug and Jess and I headed back to my place.

Davina and Carrie were home and hanging out in front of the woodstove, so introductions were made, as well as small talk, and then I pulled Jess away and dragged her upstairs.

She had said she needed the night to end early so I didn't know how long she would stay...but I took it as a good sign that she didn't leave till almost 11:00 and I practically had to kick her out for her own good. In the meantime, there was much talking and cuddling on the couch in my room and *not* kissing, which was frustrating in a pleasantly torturous way. She found a way around it by kissing my neck as we hugged goodbye, which left me pleasantly lightheaded.

I tried to put it in perspective by telling myself that it was just the Universes way of making sure I kept my promise to go slower this time. But at that moment I was really resenting the assist. I really needed to get well! I popped some more herbs and vitamin C and went to bed.

Skate date and other stuff

Well, this weekend sure turned out well. It's got a nice little TV drama/happy ending story arch to it too. From my pathetic call to McKinley and stag one-hit-wonder outing on Friday to a real live date tonight. Not bad.

Saturday I slept way in and then fought the resulting headache for the rest of the day and night. It wasn't incapacitating, just enough to make me completely unmotivated to do anything productive around the house. I went out to breakfast at the Tin Shed with my roommate and she surprised me by picking up the tab. It was crowded as it usually is on weekend so Shannon and I sat at the bar. The same bar where N and I had our 'after breakup/exchanging stuff dinner. If I'd been trying to torture myself, I couldn't have done any better. First the Imbibe (site of our first date and many others) and then Tin Shed. But I was actually feeling pretty good and it didn't bother me too much.

After breakfast we went to the store to pick up some quick burning logs. We just got a cord of wood delivered last weekend and it's pretty much useless as it's wet all the way through. Basically, we got royally screwed and there's not much we can do about it. I haven't had the time or the energy to fight with trying to get fires going, so I've just been buying the cheater logs, as I call them. It sucks, cause I really don't have the money to be doing that! Oh well.

Anyway, we got our logs and went home and chilled out. Watched my Titanic documentary and then I took a nap on the couch when she went out for a while. Basically didn't get much done to speak of besides making some kick ass fried chicken and spaghetti squash.

When I was done feeding myself, I decided to spend the evening updating my profiles. As much as I hate online dating, the fact is it's winter and I just don't get out as much--nobody does--so it just makes practical sense. I figured as long as I avoid craigslist--the Jerry Springer Show of the personal ad world--I might avoid the urge to tear my hair out.

One of the main things I hate is trying to summarize yourself into these neat little paragraphs and categories---ugh! But I sucked it up and made myself sound halfway decent on MySpace, PlanetOut and the new Just Out personals page. On JO, I did a search and found a few promising looking ads. I wrote to pdxgirl--a 30 year old non-smoking Libra who likes cross country skiing, biking hiking--typical Oregon stuff. She wrote back the same night and we exchanged a few emails over the next 36 hours.

Tonight we met up at Gay Skate night at Oaks Park. Gay Skate has been going on for years, but I had never been. Just Out has just taken over sponsorship and the turn out was great. I went over to my friend Erica's and had dinner with her and her gf and then we all went to the rink together. Laura and Meredith, my former Kinkoid buddies showed up and I saw a bunch of other people I knew. It only took twice around the rink before I saw someone waving me down. I had correctly told her that I'd be much easier to spot, and she should find me. I rolled over to her and straight into a really good hug. A good beginning.

I took her over and introduced her to the gang and then we rolled off. We skated almost the whole time and chatted about first date type stuff while we rolled along. From time to time, I'd roll up to one of my friends to check in, or show of my one skate trick (shooting the duck) to Kimmie over on the sidelines. I skated backwards and we held hands for couples skate and sat out all-girl skate because of the crappy song (and pointed out that since it's gay skate night, they really should have trannie skate shouldn't they?). I had to take her over to the bumps of course and I gave her a short lesson in skating backwards that didn't have much effect.

During the course of the evening I learned that she:

is a nurse and has a major in geology.
grew up in Wisconsin, moved to PDX in August from D.C.
lost her mom to a stroke two years ago
has at least one sister
is much hotter than her online picture lead me to believe
gives great hugs.
is out to her supportive dad
loves Portland
ended a 7 year relationship one year ago
seems mature for her age
wants to buy a house soon
is a better skater than she lead me to believe
hates smoking as much as I do
likes kids but doesn't necessarily want to own one (hallelujah)

All in all it was a great evening and we mutually agreed to get together again. She works three 12 hour shifts a week at her hospital but her schedule is a bit wacky so I don't know when that will be. But I'm hoping she'll be able to go to the Anti-V-Day DM show at Doug Fir next month.

When we said goodbye, there was the slightly awkward goodnight-kiss-decision moment which I chose not to take advantage of--one because I desperately needed some gum after having soup at Erica's house and two, because I've learned my lesson about jumping in too fast. At any rate, hopefully there will be plenty of time for figuring that out on date two--with less of an audience.

I got a txt from Jess on the way home that said it was great to meet me and she had a good time.

I'm going to do my best not to get ahead of myself, but it's nice to feel optimistic about my dating life again.

I so don't want to go back to work tomorrow. But it's already started...Kara called me with some urgent request and I spent half an hour proofing a file at 11:30pm tonight. I fear the rest of this month is going to be crazy.

Live who?

I suppose it'd be easy to say the universe is against, but that would be so arrogant. It's more like, who tries to move in January? People who've been kicked out of their houses, that's who. Two weeks ago, today was the best forcasted day at weather.com and now, freezing rain and high winds.

Ah well. At least my stuff is pretty much packed, so I didn't have to stay home doing that. Heather made raspberry pancakes with one of those just-add-water pancake mixes and they were surprisingly good. So that motivated me to walk to Nature's for frozen berries and then head to mom's for raspberry waffles. Of course I called to see if she needed anything so I ended up carrying a chicken about a mile and it got pretty heavy at the end there.

Then I went over to the new place (I'll be so glad when I can quit calling it that) to pick up the power cord for my laptop, and Carrie and I had another nice chat.

The waffles turned out fabulously and there was turkey bacon as well. Then we watched Chris Rock: Never Scared, which was pretty funny. And then it was naptime and I've been asleep till about an hour ago. The phone woke me up and it was Carmen calling to see if she can officially bail out of move-attempt number two tomorrow. I haven't heard back from three of the people that were supposed to help today so I told her I'd call her back. Then I started calling the back-up troups. I think I'll be ok now, assuming the weather cooporates, but it would be nice to have one more big car on board. Hopefully someone else will call back this evening. I'd rather have lots of people and get done quick.

My voice is till absolute crap, though I can get out volume if I have too--I just sound like Kathleen Turner gone horrbly wrong. Still no luck coughing up all the damn stuff that's causing this. And to think I was supposed to sing in the reunion choir on Monday...ha ha ha.

Well, off to have my 2nd cup of tea of the day and decide which movie to watch next.

Welcome...

To my world. More later.